How NOT…
29 03 2007…to get kicked out of a game.
It’s tough standing on the sidelines, watching kids you know and love get slapped with lousy-ass penalties by bone-headed refs. But that’s what I do, for at least two nights a week. Being a purportedly sane adult, I deep-breathe and count to ten and mutter. A lot. Sometimes in a semi-loud voice. But truly, I don’t want to be kicked out (even though the Boy has requested it, special-like. Following a horrible call, I’m to start yelling, get kicked out, and be ‘The Ultimate Team Mom’).
So here’s what I’ve been calling out lately:
- Slytherin
- Sleestak (which has on occasion been emended to ‘Fucking Sleestak’)
- Toadie
Along with ‘dagnabbit’, ‘lolly-gag’, and ‘winkle’, that’s my sideline vocab. Contributions welcome.
As the daughter of a former coach and long-standing sports fan, I can tell you that a well-emphasized “Buddy” can easily take the place of a no-no word, and everyone will know what you REALLY mean. Like, “Hey BUDdy (Dickweed, F-in A-hole, etc). What game are you watchin’?” A sneer and a hand on the hip, followed by a head shake, usually help to drive the point home.
But, then again, my dad is 6′6″ - so pretty much everything he says sounds intimidating.
I like to yell out things like:
“I strongly disagree with your judgment in this particular situation!”
“I am concerned that your lax attitude toward rule enforcement may result in injuries to players on both teams!”
“Perhaps you might consider that a more even-handed approach to the calling of penalties would result in a fairer outcome for all concerned!”
“Oh dear! It looks like you may have not noticed a rather egregious violation of the rules!”
Years ago, some friends and I liked to come up with insults in German, inevitably anything said loudly enough in German sounds bad. The only two I can remember are: “Du bist ein Spargle” and “Du hast nicht alle Tasse im Schrank”. The first we made up, “You are an asparagus.” The other is an actual German idiom “You don’t have all the cups in your cupboard” (loosely) i.e. “You’re not playing with a full deck”.