Who’s on your lap?

Bored Meeting

Key to survival:  sit at back corner with laptop.

TheFertzelFam

Once upon a time there was a family, called the Fertzels.  The Fertzel family has a farm.  The Fertzel Family Farm has been a major part of all Fertzel lives for over a century.  But the time has come to sell the farm, and all Fertzels must gather to disperse the family goods.

So here sits Flora Fertzel, the family member in charge of friendly dispersal.

Flora heads to the farm, photographs art/furniture/etc. to aid in foresaid disperal — creates contact sheets — sends them out — arranges for a lottery draw and common e-mail time (as Flora’s brother Flucker refuses to be in farmhouse with siblings) — and all proceeds smoothly, right?

Shit.  From five o’clock this afternoon until 10 o’clock tonight, we are doing this crap.  Going 1-2-3 in choosing things from around the house.  Via e-mail, because to get my siblings in the same space is inviting mayhem and manslaughter.   Truly every contingency seems to be planned for, but NO!  One person sees a way to play the situation, and it all goes hostile.  Sigh.  Deep breath.  Large drink of wine.

James Lipton Meme

Here’s the Meme created by Jaye and Karla May, with the questions James Lipton always asks at the end of interviews on Inside the Actors Studio. Truly, I think it’s a brilliant idea.

1. What is your favorite word?
Caudal peduncle.

2. What is your least favorite word?
Eschew.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Truly great choral music.

4. What turns you off?
Hypocrisy.

5. What is your favorite curse word?
This week? ‘Slytherin’. All time? Fuckin’ A.

6. What sound or noise do you love?
The hum of a ceiling fan.

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
The telephone.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
High school teacher.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Laying roads in South Texas. No, wait, working in JoAnn Fabrics. (I was in there one summer day, when it was easily 98 degrees outside, and the store was unbelievably hot. Customers were complaining, the whole place was so uncomfortable, and the manager explained that he couldn’t change the thermostat, because Corporate controlled it. Corporate, in Ohio).

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Well done.

Mutts

This is Nick Nolte:

This is Nick Nolte’s dog: