What WERE they smoking?

23 06 2006

Tom Cruise: ‘Cocktail’
Brad Pitt: punting Wife One for Wife Two
George Bush: Iraq
MTV: Real World Austin
Smuckers: Peanut Butter and Jelly Swirl in a jar
Lays: Olestra and its “anal leakage” warning
American people: George Bush (see previous)
HBO: ‘Lucky Louie’
God: mosquitos
Abercrombie: thongs for 8 year old girls
Chrysler: Pacers
Coppertone: blue sunscreen that (suppposedly) goes on clear
soda industry: energy drinks for kids





lazy days part 1

21 06 2006

The babies are home, and they slept UNTIL NOON TODAY!!! Holy moly, I truly have teenagers. It made for a very quiet morning, full of quietly productive mama stuff. Although strange, it was pretty great.

I’m convinced both of their bodies are trying to grow and need sleep, especially coming off vacations with friends. Having said that, I have a serious aversion to people who sleep until noon. It brings to mind the old boyfriend, and that ain’t a pretty picture (think sleeping all day, lots of alcohol, gambling, the SAE house, and McDonald’s– with my seriously hippie-chick self running loudly amok throughout. It wasn’t pretty).

Hence, the babies’ bodies better learn to grow during regular sleeping times, like midnight to nine– ten at the latest. (Yes I know those hours sound strange and terrible to the mamas of littles, but things do change). SO, blasting my music in the a.m. should definitely do the job, especially if I have hot chocolate or tea waiting. Heh heh. Will report later.





Saturday afternoon movies

17 06 2006

The 2002 movie ‘Stranded’, a made-for-TV adaptation of Swiss Family Robinson has its perks, like the daughter added to the family, and the extra-cute Fritz. It was exciting enough to keep me from my usual genetic reality challenge (i.e. the two blue-eyed parents and the brown-eyed son), at least until the movie ended.

I’m still partial to the 1960 Disney version, though. It has the extra-cool treehouse, with the ceiling that lifts up to stargaze. I dreamed of living in that tree when I was little. It also has the raucous and charming animals, as apparently a zoo ship wrecked previously, populating the island with ostriches, zebras, elephants, and tigers. There’s even a Doris Dayish song for the family to swim to. But my very favorite? Mother Robinson’s seriously perky pink parasol, made out of reeds. I LOVE this movie!





graham crackers and milk

16 06 2006

It is a MAJOR bummer to head downstairs for a post-midnight snack of tator tots and ketchup, just to find an empty bag in the freezer. There I stood, with dreams of crunchy potato goodness dancing through my head– but no makings! These seemingly minor setbacks could actually turn out huge, if I didn’t always keep a supply of the ultimate comfort food on hand: graham crackers and really cold milk.

Seriously, whatever major craving is going down in the house can be cured with the old honey grahams and milk. It is also the magic Prozac pill around here– sweeping up some pretty big blues.

My dad died eleven years ago, and Mom remarried in September of 2000. Dick was a terrific guy, who fell completely in love with the mom, and adored her. Unfortunately his actual heart wasn’t strong, and he died in May 2004. He went downhill fast at the end (faster than we could get there), and we were sitting by the phone when my mom called. The Littlest sat on my lap while I talked to her about what was happening. It was rough. Both of the kids loved Dick deeply; he was a fantastic grandfather. So when the phone rang with the news that Dick had died, I was equally worried about my mom and the Littlest.

She listened as I consoled my mom, then lifted her head from my shoulder and asked me to tell Mom to go to the kitchen and get graham crackers and cold milk, because grahams and milk make everything better. The pure love and sweetness of the Littlest caught us and we laughed, and cried, and ate the grahams. And we all felt a little better.





Ode to My Big Sister

13 06 2006

From my first day home, you became the Little Mother.
You protected and cared for me like no other,
including our sweet mom who — bless her heart–
gave up the ghost from the very first start.

No greater defender has ever be seen
in the halls of our school where, though not yet a teen,
you took down Old Burke for spanking your little sis
you called her a bitch– man, that was good dis!

So early this morn when we met on iChat
I whined about Mom and the damned tummy pat
“She did it again!” was what you heard
it made you irate– you used the f-word!

Then told me, “Don’t sweat it, I’ll soon draw the fire
and the full-on barrage of our mother’s ire,
because today while feeling quite fierce
I went in a tat parlor and got my nose pierced.”

Shrieking in laughter, I fell off the bed
and rolled on the floor while clutching my head.
Yip, that’s my big sister, and I must admit
that she is my hero, because she’s The Shit!