GOOD NEWS!!!

The ending of the movie has been altered. Although I’m a non-colorization girl, this one I approve.

Butt-ugly glowy Darth Vadar was replaced by cute glowy Anikin Skywalker. Eye candy.

Star Wars Hell

For reasons that I really don’t want to go into, I’m now sitting BY MYSELF watching the third in the SW series (the third, which is now the sixth). This is the one I truly never wanted to revisit for three reasons: first, Jabba reaches new heights of disgustingness; second, the little scooter-riding monkey bears (Ewoks?) freaked me out; and third– the scene at the end where dead ObiWan and dead (now nice but butt-ugly) Darth are all glowing and jolly on the bridge. That was one of the most disturbing images I’ve ever encountered on the big screen, and I saw “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” when I was fifteen, during a triple-feature horrorfest in Bangor, Maine. Has anyone else ever noted the alarming resemblance between dead glowy Darth and ickDay eneyChay? Scary.

Anyway, I just had to go there. I mean here. Maybe I can escape before the monkey-bears and the walking dead appear. It’s too late to escape the slimy maggot, though.

So here’s a question to ponder: why do the females in Jabba the Hutt’s bar all have mammary glands? At least SOME of those sisters have to be silicon-based life forms. Are they trying to imply that silicon-based life forms would breastfeed their children? Because personally I just can’t go there.

Ooooo– now Jabba’s big nasty grunt-looking monster has Luke in his clutches, and Jabba has Princess Leia in a bikini — USE THE FORCE, LUKE!!! TRUST THE FORCE!!!

R2D2…

…is still quite cute. Other than the complete nastiness of Jabba the Hutt, that’s the only agreement i have with the thirteen-year-old me who saw Star Wars when it first came out. The thirteen-year-old me thought Luke Skywalker was The Shit. Thirty years later, me likey Hans Solo. Luke is kinda whiny. (Enthusiasm for Mr. Solo is only dimmed by the knowledge that he left his wife of a gazillion years to be with the anorexic dancing-baby-hallucinating chick. BoyChild and I don’t like this, but agree that he’s still Hans Solo, and there you have it).

I used to think C3P0 was hilarious. Now he’s just this side of annoying, saved only by his voice, which sounds like an-Eway Gregor-Macay’s. Anything even slightly evocative of EW carries big brownie points around here.

Also when I was thirteen I had only a passing acquaintance with penises (like when my big brother passed me REALLY FAST in the hallway on his way to clean underwear), so all the phallic symbolism went right over my head. Darth Vader’s helmet aside, the forty-three me is howling at the Emperor’s Guards’ uniforms.

Bu-bu-bububu-BU-bu-bububu-BU-bu-bubububu… can you hear the theme music?

I don’t like the me in the meme

Yes I’ve already done one iPod meme, and it actually flowed. But then Karla posted a different iPod meme, and I just had to go there:

How does the world see you?
“The Fly”, U2
umm… that doesn’t sound good

Will I have a happy life?
“Word Up”, Cameo
basically I’m so happy to have Cameo on my iPod, that my life is, well, HAPPY.

What do my friends really think of me?
“Bergerette and Au Joly Boid”, Anonymous
so far this meme isn’t quite rockin’ my world.

What do people secretly think of me?
“Dizzy Miss Lizzy”, The Beatles
please say it ain’t so.

How can I be happy?
“Every Morning”, Sugar Ray
so anyone who has Sugar Ray on their iPod doesn’t deserve happiness. and there you have it.

Will I ever have children?
“Love Shack”, The B-52s
and there you have THAT. so maybe the next two babies i’ve been pining for will turn up, as apparently I’M A BIG FAT SLUT.

What is some good advice for me?
“Never Know”, Jack Johnson
sigh.

How will I be remembered?
“Metal & Steel”, Bob Schneider
why does my iPod have it in for me? what did i do to deserve this?

What is my signature dancing song?
“Here We Go”, Dispatch
blah blah blah

What do I think my current theme song is?
“Of Missing Persons”, Jackson Browne
now that’s scary

What does everyone else think my theme song is:
“Say You’ll Be There”, Spice Girls
wtf? i’m back to my majorly undeserving stand. and here i was, feeling all not-teenagery and stuff.

What song will play at my funeral?
“Helas Mon Dueil”, Dufay
how weird is it that Dufay and the Spice Girls are on the same shuffle? how weird is the person who owns the iPod?

What is my day going to be like?
“Please Come Home For Christmas”, Aaron Neville
so my day is over in twelve minutes.

Darcy, Darcy, Darcy…

So if you’re in serious need of a Darcy fix, check out ‘Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife’.  It is completely hilarious, to say nothing of seriously hot. (and here I put in a MonkMan alert…)

Speaking of which:  the book starts with Elizabeth being rather sore in her, erg, well, there.  What little sister Lydia calls her ‘nonny-nonny’. You know, from his, um, larydoodle (Lydia’s word, again).

Okay so MonkMan, if you just COULDN’T resist and had to read on and are now completely appalled and embarassed, well– speaking of which, isn’t ‘embarassed’ a great word? I love the whole bare-ass origins.